Unlike the stories we are familiar with today between Aphrodite and Adonis’ instantaneous love, however, the story of Inanna and Dumuzi suggests a far more slow and thoughtful relationship that develops over time. The early parts of their courtship are rife with uncertainty and, despite Inanna’s heart belonging to someone else at the beginning of it, she eventually comes to find a good husband in Dumuzi and their marriage is said to be a good one - So good, in fact, that this may be the basis for the perceived instant passion that we see develop in later traditions like the Greek one.

The story of their courtship is as follows:

Brother, after you've brought my bridal sheet to me, Who will go to bed with me? Utu, who will go to bed with me?

—Sister, your bridegroom will go to bed with you. He who was born from a fertile womb, He who was conceived on the sacred marriage throne, Dumuzi, the shepherd! He will go to bed with you.

Inanna spoke:
—No, brother! The man of my heart works the hoe. The farmer! He is the man of my heart! He gathers the grain into great heaps. He brings the grain regularly into my storehouses.

Utu spoke:
—Sister, marry the shepherd. Why are you unwilling? His cream is good; his milk is good. Whatever he touches shines brightly. Inanna, marry Dumuzi. You who adorn yourself with the agate necklace of fertility, Why are you unwilling? Dumuzi will share his rich cream with you. You who are meant to be the king's protector, Why are you unwilling?

Inanna spoke:
—The shepherd? I will not marry the shepherd! His clothes are coarse; his wool is rough. I will marry the farmer. The farmer grows flax for my clothes, The farmer grows barley for my table.

Dumuzi spoke:
—Why do you speak about the farmer? Why do you speak about him? If he gives you black flour, I will give you black wool. If he gives you white flour, I will give you white wool. If he gives you beer, I will give you sweet milk. If he gives you bread, I will give you honey cheese. I will give the farmer my leftover cream. I will give the farmer my leftover milk. Why do you speak about the farmer? What does he have more than I do?

Inanna spoke:
—Shepherd, without my mother, Ningal, you'd be driven away, without my grandmother, Ningikuga, you'd be driven into the steeps, without my father, Nanna, you'd have no roof, without my brother Utu—

Dumuzi spoke:
—Inanna, do not start a quarrel. My father, Enki, is as good as your father, Nanna. My mother, Sirtur, is as good as your mother, Ningal. My sister, Geshtinanna, is as good as yours. Queen of the palace, let us talk it over.

The word they had spoken was a word of desire. From the starting of the quarrel came the lovers' desire. The shepherd went to the royal house with cream. Dumuzi went to the royal house with milk. Before the door, he called out: —Open the house, My Lady, open the house!

Inanna ran to Ningal, the mother who bore her. Ningal counseled her daughter, saying:
—My child, the young man will be your father. My daughter, the young man will be your mother. He will treat you like a father. He will care for you like a mother. Open the house, My Lady, open the house!

Inanna, at her mother's command, bathed and anointed herself with scented oil. She covered her body with the royal white robe. She readied her dowry. She arranged her precious lapis beads around her neck. She took her seal in her hand.

Dumuzi waited expectantly. Inanna opened the door for him. Inside the house she shone before him. Like the light of the moon. Dumuzi looked at her joyously. He pressed his neck close against hers. He kissed her.

--- Inanna, Queen of Heaven and Earth: Her Stories and Hymns from Sumer p. 30-49, Diane Wolkstein

In this passage, we have a couple of major things to discuss. Firstly, we can talk about the difference in how marriage and love were seen in the ancient world. In our modern day, especially in the Western world, ideas of marriage and romance are very personal and they rely deeply on an individual forming a connection with another person over time - We are expected to arrange our own dates and take risks for the sake of love, but in the ancient world this was much less of a thing. Firstly, marriage was a familial affair - In a world where it was expected that one or both spouses left their familial home, it was sometimes almost seen as comparable to mourning a child and it was not uncommon in some ancient cultures that you may never see your child again after they are married. This is why we see Demeter have the reaction she does in the Hymn to Demeter - The loss of her daughter to marriage was like the loss of her daughter to death and only alterations made to the traditional marriage contract that allowed her some company with her daughter would console her.

This is also, however, why the choice of who one married was so important and rarely would have been left up to the hands of something as fickle as young love - Parents were tasked with making sure that whoever they sent their children away to, that that person would be capable of providing a good life for them and that they would keep her safe and happy. In the above snippet, we see her brother and her mother reassure her of Dumuzi’s capacity to provide her with a good life. We also see Dumuzi himself try and reassure her as well, even to the point of being a little offended by the idea that he is less capable of being a good husband to her than the farmer is. It is worth noting, too, that Inanna’s love for the farmer is fairly material as well - She likes the grains and the flax and the other things that he provides much more than that which might be provided by Dumuzi and so thinks him a better fit as her husband. But we also get reassurance from her mother at one point that is important to note - The promise that he will take care of her, like a mother or like a father. The promise here is not just one of material value, but of safety and care - Her mother believes Dumuzi to be a good fit because she believes that he will love her, even when her parents are no longer there at her side, as they themselves would have.

Our ideas of relationship and romance are very different in the modern day, but we can still learn a lot from these older traditions about the kinds of values to be found in not just romantic love, but also even other kinds of relationships - The expectations we set on others and perhaps even on ourselves to be kind to us and to make the world a safe place for us to live in.

I bring you the following questions to think about for today's discussion.
These are just things to get the discussion started and you can feel free to explore other ideas or thoughts if you have them:

• What are some of the pros or cons about how relationships and marriage are handled in the modern day versus their ancient conceptions? How have we changed as species to better reflect our understanding of the world and the way modern science suggests we should interact with each other? What parts of the traditions have we lost? Is this a good or a bad thing?
• What does the relationship between Inanna and Dumuzi say about how we deserve to be treated in our relationships with others? What kinds of expectations are we called to hold for others if they want to be a part of our lives? Do you think all of these expectations are fair to both parties? Do you think there are elements missing from these ancient stories that we now consider important?
• What does this story say about our responsibility to each other to make sure that we are engaged in fair and safe relationships? What kinds of things do we expect others to be able to do for our loved ones and how do we show up to remind them of that fact in the modern day? Do you hold those same standards for yourself? Why or why not?

I encourage you to make an offering to the love or relationship deity or entity of your choice - Or, just for yourself if you don’t work super closely with one of those - of a list of traits that you believe to be important for someone to have if they want to have a relationship with you. This relationship does not have to be romantic; You can also think about the kinds of things you would expect a family member to do for you or a friend or a mentor. Then, once you’ve made that list, go through the people in your life and see if they fit the qualities of that list and take some time to talk to your deities about how other people are treating you and if you are happy with that treatment. If you are not, make a petition to them to help you change the circumstances you're in and to bring you people who will better fit the list that you have made.